When Unanswered Prayer is Good

I remember when my brother was about 10 years old. He asked me, “Why do they call it ‘Good Friday’ if that’s the day Jesus died?” Before I even got to answer, my wise little brother said “Wait, never mind. If Jesus hadn’t died, he never could have risen again to forgive us of our sins.” It blew me away, maybe because it was spot on. Out of the mouth of babes, right? Jesus’ death, what we’d seemingly have seen at the time as bad, was a very, very good thing indeed. Maybe that’s true about a lot of our prayers.

In the last three years, I’ve wrestled a lot with unanswered prayer. So we don’t debate semantics, I suppose God always answers prayer, because even “no” or no answer is an answer.  But I’m talking about praying diligently for something and just not getting a “yes” answer. I’ve asked God for so many things that seemed surely in his will. Things that were usually for the benefit of others, salvation, freedom from a strong hold, healing. I mean, if we pray in his name, according to his will, he has to say yes, right? Not if we’re not seeing the whole picture. He may delay or decline our request because he has a far bigger or better plan for us or for others. If God is greater than we can ask or imagine, let’s not limit his answers to our prayers by our imaginations.

While I was in New Zealand, I read a fantastic book called God on Mute by Pete Greig. Several years ago, Greig’s wife was diagnosed with benign (non cancerous) brain tumors that caused her to develop a very serious seizure disorder. This all happened about the same time he was launching an international prayer ministry. During what should have been an amazing time in ministry, they experienced some of the greatest pains of their lives, as God seemingly chose not to heal his wife.  The book is a very real account of their struggle and heartache with unanswered prayer. But he takes it through interesting eyes, the eyes of Jesus in the last four days of his life.

^“They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14: 32-26

The night before Jesus’ crucifixion, he went into a garden and prayed diligently. He knew what he would have to suffer. He also knew why. But in his humanity, he asked God if there was another way. He asked God to take this suffering, the horrific thing he knew was about to happen, away from him. Many scholars say it wasn’t only the physical pain that he knew he’d endure, but also the spiritual separation from his Father, that was overwhelmingly devastating to him. Yet he ends this prayer with full submission. “Not my will, but your’s”. There was clearly no sin in asking, but he had to be willing to not get his way.

The heartache Jesus must have felt. The loneliness he must have experienced as his friends all abandoned him. The pain of a world that just didn’t understand. God didn’t answer as Jesus asked and he went to the cross.

We all know the ending of the story though. Jesus was resurrected, having conquered the grave. His death and resurrection paved a way for us to have a personal relationship with God if we choose it. That is a very good unanswered prayer.

Many of us look at things we’ve asked of God and been terribly hurt and disappointed when God either answered “wait” or “no”. But how much better could be our prayer lives, if we had enough trust in the love of God to, without a second of doubt, say “but not as I will, but as you do.” What if we could see the plan, all the benefits from the start. Wouldn’t that change everything?

^“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

So many of us know this passage cold, but seem to overlook the “with thanksgiving”. This implies that we are, even as part of our request, thanking him for what he’s already done and what he is yet to do, even if its not exactly as we hope, because we know he is always good.

Obviously all of my blogs this week are at least in part related to my friends health situation, of which many of us are struggling. It is hard, and often feels like unanswered prayer. But in the last few days, God is overwhelmingly showing me all the benefits that have come out of this situation. They almost number like the stars. Its been amazing to see her family’s faith grow. Its been amazing to watch our community come together and learn to love and support each other better. Its been so good to witness how God is molding each of our characters, our hearts, our gifts, to make us better people than we were a year ago.

Hmmmm. God is good. It may even be, that more often than not, we don’t get the answer we hope for. Neither did Jesus. But in the end, the plan is always better. Jesus always raises from the dead. Will you be willing to trust God for something far better than just how you wanted your prayer answered?